8/13/09

Dear [insert name here],

One day you're here, the next you're gone. Saying goodbye hurt. You've missed so many things, like test scores, dances, and senior boards.

You think you know me. You don't know anything. You don't know what makes me tick. You don't know where my life is headed. You don't even know where I live.

Stop running from your fears. Stop hiding. Visits aren't enough and you never call.

I'm going to college. I want to teach high school English. I want to get married and I want you to be there. I want to have four kids. I want to either adopt or be a foster parent. I want my kids to know who you are.

I live in Spokane. I'm moving to Ellensburg so I can go to Central. I'm thinking about transferring to Western eventually. My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything for them and my family. I'm Christian. I love to read and write, sing and dance. I'm a huge music fan. I love watching movies. I'm totally clumsy and I'm pretty insecure most of the time. I'm shy at first but once you get to know me I'm more outgoing. I wish at 11:11. My favorite colors are the bright ones. I adore little kids. I love animals, even though I think I might be allergic to some. I love to cook. Whenever I retire I want to open up my own face. I like scrapbooking. I could tell my life story in quotes. I love being a hostess. I'm willing to try new things. I hate air blowing in my face. I can't swim and I have a slight fear of deep water. I love outdoorsy stuff, but I don't like getting dirty. I don't ever want to hunt. Fishing isn't so bad except when you actually have a fish.

Don't you see? You don't know most of this stuff. You don't know who means the most to me. You don't know what I believe, and why.

It kills me that you don't try. I have no idea where you are. I would love to know you better, to see what makes you tick. I really want to know how you feel about me, how you feel about us.

You should have left differently. What you did sucked. You left to be with her and you left me behind. It's a good thing though, because I bet you were a lot different than you are now. I wouldn't want to be with you now. You said you would never be like him. HA! You are exactly like him. You did what you said you would never do.

I'm still a bit angry with you. I think I have the right though. I got my hopes up way too high most of the time. You hurt me a lot. I can't control how I feel about you. It really sucks.

I love you. I think I always will somewhere in my heart, even though I'm not sure why.

Once you get things figured out, once you have your life in order, come find me. Let's patch things up. Everytime something bad happens, or something totally exciting happens, I want to tel you. But I can't because you're never here.

You really messed me up big time, you know?

I love you,
Jacqueline