I've found that if you've lived in more than one place in your life, there's always someone you miss. When you leave a place that you love to go somewhere else, you feel your heart is split in several places at once. You don't know where home is because you don't know where your heart is.
Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't exactly know what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. The people around you have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. When you're alone no one constantly asks you what's wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take "I don't know" for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until all you can do is wait.
This is for you, my best friend. The one person I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, who I can cry to when things are tough, who can help me with the problems of my life. I don't think you know what that means to me. I hope you know that even though we live across the state from each other, I'm always here to listen to you laugh and cry and help in all the ways I can. I hope you know I would not be the person I am today without you. I'm really excited for your college life, and for you and your boyfriend.
I know that we won't ever really be close again, and that hurts more than you know. All I can really ask for right now is for you to be a decent person. Maybe even a decent friend. I need something, anything. I don't want to lose you. All I have are memories right now. I wonder if you know how things have been so difficult without you.
I've learned that no matter how long it takes, things do get better. No matter how many tears fall there will always be a time when you stop crying and your eyes start shining again. Everything will be all right not matter what you, he or she thinks.
I like you, but I'm not sure if I know everything about you that I should know. I want to know exactly what makes you tick. I want to know your problems. I want to know what days you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I want to know how many pillows you sleep with. I want to know if I'm ever needed, if I'll be good enough to keep you warm at night. I want to know everything about you. I want to know your past, your future, your in-betweens. Your favorite colors, your phobias. Everything.
When you love someone, it will always stay there. I have to believe that even though we go our separate ways, we still will be connected by this bond, forever. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I know it's a true thing. I know that no matter where you go or who it's with, we will always be connected. When we look up at the stars, when we know it was real, and it was why we're who we are.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
8/16/09: Reflections on High School
Today while cleaning, I found my diploma under a few things on my desk. This led me to think about high school. People say that high school is one of the best times of your life. That might be true, but it's the worst too.
I think in ninth grade, I remember coming to school in tears because of something a sibling had said in an email. I wasn't supposed to see it, so I couldn't talk to my parents about it. I told my best friend and she listened. Crying it out and talking about it helped a lot.
I remember having a lot of problems with my biological dad as well. Maybe it's just because I can remember it more clearly. There was one time he came to our house drunk, and my parents were out shopping. That was a bit scary for me. I think one of my brothers might have been home as well. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I just called my parents to hurry up and get home. There were many times we were supposed to go see him, but he never showed up or called. One time I was forced to go, and I cried all the way there. I never want to go because he always smells of smoke and alcohol, plus he always gets into arguments with his girlfriend. Then half the time we don't know where he lives, or what his phone number is. I couldn't even tell him that I graduated until afterward. Finally, when he does call, someone always ends up annoyed or frustrated. One time he convinced my brother to see if he could move out with us and go move in with him. A lot of the time my mom will end up yelling at him.
I also had a breakup, or two. It was pretty bad, but it could have been worse. We're still friends now.
My grandma died my junior year. It was the first death that had really affected me. She had a stroke the day of Homecoming, and she died a few days later. It was really hard to believe she was gone at first. She had been getting better, and then she died. Things were tough.
I even made my fair share of bad choices. It was never about drugs or alcohol. Just grades. I didn't do so well junior year, so I had to play catch up my senior year. Junior year was stressful all around.
I didn't get into my dream school, which was devastating at first. I'm over it now. CWU is my home for at least the next four years. I'm completely fine with that. After school I can move anywhere I want, and maybe Bellingham is in my future.
To top everything off, I moved my senior year. Yeah, it really sucked. I think I've said that over and over again. I didn't get to graduate with my best friends. I didn't go to prom either. A while after school ended, we moved to Spokane.
I think it's safe to say that high school sucked. But it also rocked, and here's why:
I was able to go on a trip to Disneyland. Sure, it wasn't with my family. It was with the band, with my friends. That made it even better.
I had an amazing boyfriend. Sure, things never really worked out between us. But he was there for me a lot. He's part of the reason I'm the person I am today.
I always had a support system that I needed, whether it was my best friends, people from church, or other close friends. We've gone through a lot together. Hopefully we'll beat the statistics and stay friends.
I even gained family. Cousins have had adorable babies who are growing up fast. I found out I had a long lost uncle, who has a wife, kids, and a grand kid or more. We've been able to see each other a few times since we found out. My big brother got married and had a little boy. I was able to meet him once, and I get to see pictures every now and then.
I was able to participate in many band things, like field marching, parades, and festivals. The RHS band won second place in KZOK's band competition. And don't forget about the PSD Marching Band Extravaganza.
I have also been able to somewhat get over my stage fright. I had a few solos in band. At the end of my senior year I was able to play all major scales in front of the class and teacher. I think I did pretty good. We were supposed to have them memorized and I did, that was the easy part. I even gave a speech. It wasn't in front of a lot of people, and it was all about myself, but it's one of the hardest things I've had to do. After completing Senior Boards, I felt like I can do anything.
Even though I did make bad choices my junior year, it did lead me to some good things. I met some awesome people because of those choices, and I have no regrets for what I did. Meeting those friends was totally worth it.
Moving did help me get my confidence back up. I was able to start over. Not many people get that chance.
Finally, I graduated. I'm in the proud class of 2009. I finally did it. Everything I went through for four years was totally worth it.
My good experiences totally out weight all the bad ones. High school was one of the worst and best times of my life so far. The beginning of my freshman year, I was very shy. Throughout the years, I've become more outgoing. My self-confidence has always been pretty low. Now, it's quite higher, even if I still have my bad days.
Even though high school was hell for me on some days, I stuck it out. I don't think I ever wanted to drop out. For all you high schoolers out there, don't drop out. Don't give up. Believe me, you'll want to. Stick through it. Everything will be worth it when you are finally handed your diploma.
I think in ninth grade, I remember coming to school in tears because of something a sibling had said in an email. I wasn't supposed to see it, so I couldn't talk to my parents about it. I told my best friend and she listened. Crying it out and talking about it helped a lot.
I remember having a lot of problems with my biological dad as well. Maybe it's just because I can remember it more clearly. There was one time he came to our house drunk, and my parents were out shopping. That was a bit scary for me. I think one of my brothers might have been home as well. I wasn't exactly sure what to do, so I just called my parents to hurry up and get home. There were many times we were supposed to go see him, but he never showed up or called. One time I was forced to go, and I cried all the way there. I never want to go because he always smells of smoke and alcohol, plus he always gets into arguments with his girlfriend. Then half the time we don't know where he lives, or what his phone number is. I couldn't even tell him that I graduated until afterward. Finally, when he does call, someone always ends up annoyed or frustrated. One time he convinced my brother to see if he could move out with us and go move in with him. A lot of the time my mom will end up yelling at him.
I also had a breakup, or two. It was pretty bad, but it could have been worse. We're still friends now.
My grandma died my junior year. It was the first death that had really affected me. She had a stroke the day of Homecoming, and she died a few days later. It was really hard to believe she was gone at first. She had been getting better, and then she died. Things were tough.
I even made my fair share of bad choices. It was never about drugs or alcohol. Just grades. I didn't do so well junior year, so I had to play catch up my senior year. Junior year was stressful all around.
I didn't get into my dream school, which was devastating at first. I'm over it now. CWU is my home for at least the next four years. I'm completely fine with that. After school I can move anywhere I want, and maybe Bellingham is in my future.
To top everything off, I moved my senior year. Yeah, it really sucked. I think I've said that over and over again. I didn't get to graduate with my best friends. I didn't go to prom either. A while after school ended, we moved to Spokane.
I think it's safe to say that high school sucked. But it also rocked, and here's why:
I was able to go on a trip to Disneyland. Sure, it wasn't with my family. It was with the band, with my friends. That made it even better.
I had an amazing boyfriend. Sure, things never really worked out between us. But he was there for me a lot. He's part of the reason I'm the person I am today.
I always had a support system that I needed, whether it was my best friends, people from church, or other close friends. We've gone through a lot together. Hopefully we'll beat the statistics and stay friends.
I even gained family. Cousins have had adorable babies who are growing up fast. I found out I had a long lost uncle, who has a wife, kids, and a grand kid or more. We've been able to see each other a few times since we found out. My big brother got married and had a little boy. I was able to meet him once, and I get to see pictures every now and then.
I was able to participate in many band things, like field marching, parades, and festivals. The RHS band won second place in KZOK's band competition. And don't forget about the PSD Marching Band Extravaganza.
I have also been able to somewhat get over my stage fright. I had a few solos in band. At the end of my senior year I was able to play all major scales in front of the class and teacher. I think I did pretty good. We were supposed to have them memorized and I did, that was the easy part. I even gave a speech. It wasn't in front of a lot of people, and it was all about myself, but it's one of the hardest things I've had to do. After completing Senior Boards, I felt like I can do anything.
Even though I did make bad choices my junior year, it did lead me to some good things. I met some awesome people because of those choices, and I have no regrets for what I did. Meeting those friends was totally worth it.
Moving did help me get my confidence back up. I was able to start over. Not many people get that chance.
Finally, I graduated. I'm in the proud class of 2009. I finally did it. Everything I went through for four years was totally worth it.
My good experiences totally out weight all the bad ones. High school was one of the worst and best times of my life so far. The beginning of my freshman year, I was very shy. Throughout the years, I've become more outgoing. My self-confidence has always been pretty low. Now, it's quite higher, even if I still have my bad days.
Even though high school was hell for me on some days, I stuck it out. I don't think I ever wanted to drop out. For all you high schoolers out there, don't drop out. Don't give up. Believe me, you'll want to. Stick through it. Everything will be worth it when you are finally handed your diploma.
8/15/09:
Today was interesting, and very long! Spokane to Seattle is a long drive, and it's worse when you have a full car. I think we left at nine in the morning, and we got to Seattle around 2:30 I think.
Upon arriving, the first thing I noticed was my grandpa's car was gone. In it's spot was a jeep (I think). My grandparents have had that car for as long as I can remember. I was told I used to play with the various buttons up front. My grandpa almost crashed once because he couldn't see the entrance way to a parking lot. Seeing it gone was just another reminder that my grandma is no longer with us.
I had a good time. It was a nice change to be asked what I'll be doing at Central rather than what college I would be going to. It was great seeing this side of the family because we rarely get to see them. There were a lot of dogs around. I think there were five? They are all very cute, especially the Poms. I like them, but not enough to have my own.
We gave our goodbyes, hugs, and promises to keep in touch through email. Of course, being the most recent high school graduate, everyone wanted me to let them know how school goes once I start. I told them if they were ever in Ellensburg to let me know, and I'll make time to visit.
The car ride home was even worse. It felt like it took longer. We had to make a couple of stops for gas and bathroom breaks, but we got home around 11:30ish.
Once we got home, my brothers stayed up. I'm not sure how late though. My parents and I went to bed. Tomorrow they are taking my brother to Everett to pick up a friend and bring him back here for a week. They are officially crazy. Well, as long as he doesn't go through my purse, he should be fine.
Upon arriving, the first thing I noticed was my grandpa's car was gone. In it's spot was a jeep (I think). My grandparents have had that car for as long as I can remember. I was told I used to play with the various buttons up front. My grandpa almost crashed once because he couldn't see the entrance way to a parking lot. Seeing it gone was just another reminder that my grandma is no longer with us.
I had a good time. It was a nice change to be asked what I'll be doing at Central rather than what college I would be going to. It was great seeing this side of the family because we rarely get to see them. There were a lot of dogs around. I think there were five? They are all very cute, especially the Poms. I like them, but not enough to have my own.
We gave our goodbyes, hugs, and promises to keep in touch through email. Of course, being the most recent high school graduate, everyone wanted me to let them know how school goes once I start. I told them if they were ever in Ellensburg to let me know, and I'll make time to visit.
The car ride home was even worse. It felt like it took longer. We had to make a couple of stops for gas and bathroom breaks, but we got home around 11:30ish.
Once we got home, my brothers stayed up. I'm not sure how late though. My parents and I went to bed. Tomorrow they are taking my brother to Everett to pick up a friend and bring him back here for a week. They are officially crazy. Well, as long as he doesn't go through my purse, he should be fine.
Friday, August 14, 2009
8/13/09
Dear [insert name here],
One day you're here, the next you're gone. Saying goodbye hurt. You've missed so many things, like test scores, dances, and senior boards.
You think you know me. You don't know anything. You don't know what makes me tick. You don't know where my life is headed. You don't even know where I live.
Stop running from your fears. Stop hiding. Visits aren't enough and you never call.
I'm going to college. I want to teach high school English. I want to get married and I want you to be there. I want to have four kids. I want to either adopt or be a foster parent. I want my kids to know who you are.
I live in Spokane. I'm moving to Ellensburg so I can go to Central. I'm thinking about transferring to Western eventually. My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything for them and my family. I'm Christian. I love to read and write, sing and dance. I'm a huge music fan. I love watching movies. I'm totally clumsy and I'm pretty insecure most of the time. I'm shy at first but once you get to know me I'm more outgoing. I wish at 11:11. My favorite colors are the bright ones. I adore little kids. I love animals, even though I think I might be allergic to some. I love to cook. Whenever I retire I want to open up my own face. I like scrapbooking. I could tell my life story in quotes. I love being a hostess. I'm willing to try new things. I hate air blowing in my face. I can't swim and I have a slight fear of deep water. I love outdoorsy stuff, but I don't like getting dirty. I don't ever want to hunt. Fishing isn't so bad except when you actually have a fish.
Don't you see? You don't know most of this stuff. You don't know who means the most to me. You don't know what I believe, and why.
It kills me that you don't try. I have no idea where you are. I would love to know you better, to see what makes you tick. I really want to know how you feel about me, how you feel about us.
You should have left differently. What you did sucked. You left to be with her and you left me behind. It's a good thing though, because I bet you were a lot different than you are now. I wouldn't want to be with you now. You said you would never be like him. HA! You are exactly like him. You did what you said you would never do.
I'm still a bit angry with you. I think I have the right though. I got my hopes up way too high most of the time. You hurt me a lot. I can't control how I feel about you. It really sucks.
I love you. I think I always will somewhere in my heart, even though I'm not sure why.
Once you get things figured out, once you have your life in order, come find me. Let's patch things up. Everytime something bad happens, or something totally exciting happens, I want to tel you. But I can't because you're never here.
You really messed me up big time, you know?
I love you,
Jacqueline
One day you're here, the next you're gone. Saying goodbye hurt. You've missed so many things, like test scores, dances, and senior boards.
You think you know me. You don't know anything. You don't know what makes me tick. You don't know where my life is headed. You don't even know where I live.
Stop running from your fears. Stop hiding. Visits aren't enough and you never call.
I'm going to college. I want to teach high school English. I want to get married and I want you to be there. I want to have four kids. I want to either adopt or be a foster parent. I want my kids to know who you are.
I live in Spokane. I'm moving to Ellensburg so I can go to Central. I'm thinking about transferring to Western eventually. My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything for them and my family. I'm Christian. I love to read and write, sing and dance. I'm a huge music fan. I love watching movies. I'm totally clumsy and I'm pretty insecure most of the time. I'm shy at first but once you get to know me I'm more outgoing. I wish at 11:11. My favorite colors are the bright ones. I adore little kids. I love animals, even though I think I might be allergic to some. I love to cook. Whenever I retire I want to open up my own face. I like scrapbooking. I could tell my life story in quotes. I love being a hostess. I'm willing to try new things. I hate air blowing in my face. I can't swim and I have a slight fear of deep water. I love outdoorsy stuff, but I don't like getting dirty. I don't ever want to hunt. Fishing isn't so bad except when you actually have a fish.
Don't you see? You don't know most of this stuff. You don't know who means the most to me. You don't know what I believe, and why.
It kills me that you don't try. I have no idea where you are. I would love to know you better, to see what makes you tick. I really want to know how you feel about me, how you feel about us.
You should have left differently. What you did sucked. You left to be with her and you left me behind. It's a good thing though, because I bet you were a lot different than you are now. I wouldn't want to be with you now. You said you would never be like him. HA! You are exactly like him. You did what you said you would never do.
I'm still a bit angry with you. I think I have the right though. I got my hopes up way too high most of the time. You hurt me a lot. I can't control how I feel about you. It really sucks.
I love you. I think I always will somewhere in my heart, even though I'm not sure why.
Once you get things figured out, once you have your life in order, come find me. Let's patch things up. Everytime something bad happens, or something totally exciting happens, I want to tel you. But I can't because you're never here.
You really messed me up big time, you know?
I love you,
Jacqueline
Thursday, August 13, 2009
8/12/09
Some people in life have everything given to them. They don't work hard, everything's easy. To me, that's kind of annoying. I'm not one of those people. I have to pay for my own phone. I don't have my own car yet because I have to pay for it and insurance. I haven't been able to get a job either. The only reason I can afford to go to school is because I was given grants and loans. I know life isn't fair. I get that. But just once I wish everything would work out the way I want it to. One time.
I didn't go to my high school prom my senior year. Gah. I didn't have the guts to ask anyone. I kept hoping this one guy would ask me, but he didn't. Maybe it's a good thing, because he acted like a jerk most of the time anyways. I know a lot of people say it's not fun, but I wanted to go for the experience, to say I went. Plus I was kind of hoping that if I did go, my mom would be there. I've been to four dances, and I don't remember my Mom being there for any of them.
So the past few days I've felt like Cinderella, minus the evil step mom and Prince Charming. I feel like I've been working my butt off, and my brothers have been sitting around doing nothing. Luckily I don't have an evil step mom, or a step dad. As for Prince Charming, I'm not sure if I want one right this moment. Although lately I have been wishing that someone would come save me.
Other than my total frustration with my family, I'm pretty content with my life. Of course, it could be better, but that's what everyone says. Besides moving, I've spent most of my time reading and diving into music. Not to mention I've been helping my mom a lot. It's definitely not how I thought I would spend this summer.
As much as I want my own space in September, I'm kind of glad I have to live in a dorm. At first, I'm a really shy person. Living in a dorm will help me become more social and I'll be able to make more friends. Eventually I want to move into an apartment though. I just don't know where. Maybe I'll stay in Ellensburg. I have been thinking about transferring to Western at one point though. It's a possibility. I know they have a really good program as well. And I do miss Western Washington. I never would have seen myself living over here. But anyways, I still have a while until I have to think about that.
Whenever I want to write, I haven't been able to find a pen anywhere. I've been doing all my writing with a purple marker. It's kind of silly. It makes me feel like a little kid again. I tend to misplace a lot of things. It's mostly pens, pencils, hair ties, and bobby pins.
We have the smallest shower ever. Believe me, it's pretty tiny. Whenever someone flushes the toilet and you're in the shower, you get a blast of hot water. At least it's not cold, right? It just hurts. It gets really hot, or maybe that's because I start out with really hot water and it just gets hotter. I'd rather have the blast of cold water. My youngest brother says it's not too bad. But how does he know? He barely takes showers.
I want to go to the park and swing. That was always my favorite part. I don't remember ever being scared of being too high. But you can forget every thing and just be care free, be a little kid again.
Today I tried watching Watchmen again. At first I liked it. After a while I didn't. I think I don't have the patience to sit through it. But the music was pretty great, except for Hallelujah.
We had more rain today. It was amazing. Although, we also had some thunder and lightning. Lightning isn't so bad, but thunder is horrible. It was really loud today. I hate it. It's moments like those where I wish I had my Prince Charming.
I didn't go to my high school prom my senior year. Gah. I didn't have the guts to ask anyone. I kept hoping this one guy would ask me, but he didn't. Maybe it's a good thing, because he acted like a jerk most of the time anyways. I know a lot of people say it's not fun, but I wanted to go for the experience, to say I went. Plus I was kind of hoping that if I did go, my mom would be there. I've been to four dances, and I don't remember my Mom being there for any of them.
So the past few days I've felt like Cinderella, minus the evil step mom and Prince Charming. I feel like I've been working my butt off, and my brothers have been sitting around doing nothing. Luckily I don't have an evil step mom, or a step dad. As for Prince Charming, I'm not sure if I want one right this moment. Although lately I have been wishing that someone would come save me.
Other than my total frustration with my family, I'm pretty content with my life. Of course, it could be better, but that's what everyone says. Besides moving, I've spent most of my time reading and diving into music. Not to mention I've been helping my mom a lot. It's definitely not how I thought I would spend this summer.
As much as I want my own space in September, I'm kind of glad I have to live in a dorm. At first, I'm a really shy person. Living in a dorm will help me become more social and I'll be able to make more friends. Eventually I want to move into an apartment though. I just don't know where. Maybe I'll stay in Ellensburg. I have been thinking about transferring to Western at one point though. It's a possibility. I know they have a really good program as well. And I do miss Western Washington. I never would have seen myself living over here. But anyways, I still have a while until I have to think about that.
Whenever I want to write, I haven't been able to find a pen anywhere. I've been doing all my writing with a purple marker. It's kind of silly. It makes me feel like a little kid again. I tend to misplace a lot of things. It's mostly pens, pencils, hair ties, and bobby pins.
We have the smallest shower ever. Believe me, it's pretty tiny. Whenever someone flushes the toilet and you're in the shower, you get a blast of hot water. At least it's not cold, right? It just hurts. It gets really hot, or maybe that's because I start out with really hot water and it just gets hotter. I'd rather have the blast of cold water. My youngest brother says it's not too bad. But how does he know? He barely takes showers.
I want to go to the park and swing. That was always my favorite part. I don't remember ever being scared of being too high. But you can forget every thing and just be care free, be a little kid again.
Today I tried watching Watchmen again. At first I liked it. After a while I didn't. I think I don't have the patience to sit through it. But the music was pretty great, except for Hallelujah.
We had more rain today. It was amazing. Although, we also had some thunder and lightning. Lightning isn't so bad, but thunder is horrible. It was really loud today. I hate it. It's moments like those where I wish I had my Prince Charming.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
8/11/09
Do you ever tell someone something important and then change your mind? And then you don't want to let that person down? That's where I am right now. I don't want to hurt that person. Any advice? It's much needed.
On a different note, not having a mop really sucks sometimes. I cleaned the kitchen floor without one. It's hard work. But on the bright side, it's good exercise.
The best thing today was that I could listen to my music while cleaning as loud as I wanted to. That's pretty loud. I think it was almost full blast. It's the only time I like listening to music that loud.
So lately I've kind of felt replaced. I don't know if I really am though. Maybe we're just growing apart. But sometimes a call would be nice, or even a quick email saying hi. I want to know how you're doing. I want to talk to you. I don't bite. I'm pretty much stuck in Spokane until school starts, and it's kind of boring here. I need some excitement in my life.
My brothers are really annoying. Their moods are giving me whiplash. One minute they are giving me hugs and helping me, and the next minute they are brats. Is that a normal brother thing, or is that only my brothers? They are also lazy butts. But they'll do anything to be able to go on the computer or xbox.
I just have to say, if you have never heard anything by Mozart, Billie Holiday, or Louis Armstrong, go listen to a song by them right now. They are pretty much amazing. Well, anything classical is amazing.
I made macaroni and cheese tonight for dinner. Ergh. I only made it because it's simple and easy and I didn't feel like cooking. I didn't feel like making anything fancy because it was just my brothers and I. I'm getting really tired of anything pasta though. I need dinner ideas! I don't care what it is, but it has to be simple because I've been pretty busy lately.
So while moving I lost my Bible reading plan. I keep hoping it will eventually show up, but so far it hasn't. I found a different one online, and I printed it out this morning. Reading plans make reading the Bible a lot easier. It gives me a place to start. I want to finish the Bible by the end of the year. It might seem impossible, but it can be done. I've always started in Genesis and tried to read straight through, but that doesn't work. In my first reading plan, it gives you two old testament readings a day, and two new testament readings. It helped me get through books like Numbers and Deuteronomy, and this way the Bible seemed more interesting. So far I've read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, Matthew, Acts, Romans, and 1 and 2 Corinthians. I found that I like reading my Bible the most in the mornings when no one else in my family is up. It's nice to go sit on the swinging bench on the front porch, read, and drink tea. I've been on a green tea kick lately, and I just tried a new brand. I love it.
Psalm 42:5
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!
My little brother has been sleeping on the couch in our living room because we have a guest staying in his bedroom. He loves it because he can stay up late watching tv or playing games. However, I was cleaning earlier and there were drool spots where his head has been.
On a last note, I want to see Post Grad. It looks interesting. Anyone want to go?
On a different note, not having a mop really sucks sometimes. I cleaned the kitchen floor without one. It's hard work. But on the bright side, it's good exercise.
The best thing today was that I could listen to my music while cleaning as loud as I wanted to. That's pretty loud. I think it was almost full blast. It's the only time I like listening to music that loud.
So lately I've kind of felt replaced. I don't know if I really am though. Maybe we're just growing apart. But sometimes a call would be nice, or even a quick email saying hi. I want to know how you're doing. I want to talk to you. I don't bite. I'm pretty much stuck in Spokane until school starts, and it's kind of boring here. I need some excitement in my life.
My brothers are really annoying. Their moods are giving me whiplash. One minute they are giving me hugs and helping me, and the next minute they are brats. Is that a normal brother thing, or is that only my brothers? They are also lazy butts. But they'll do anything to be able to go on the computer or xbox.
I just have to say, if you have never heard anything by Mozart, Billie Holiday, or Louis Armstrong, go listen to a song by them right now. They are pretty much amazing. Well, anything classical is amazing.
I made macaroni and cheese tonight for dinner. Ergh. I only made it because it's simple and easy and I didn't feel like cooking. I didn't feel like making anything fancy because it was just my brothers and I. I'm getting really tired of anything pasta though. I need dinner ideas! I don't care what it is, but it has to be simple because I've been pretty busy lately.
So while moving I lost my Bible reading plan. I keep hoping it will eventually show up, but so far it hasn't. I found a different one online, and I printed it out this morning. Reading plans make reading the Bible a lot easier. It gives me a place to start. I want to finish the Bible by the end of the year. It might seem impossible, but it can be done. I've always started in Genesis and tried to read straight through, but that doesn't work. In my first reading plan, it gives you two old testament readings a day, and two new testament readings. It helped me get through books like Numbers and Deuteronomy, and this way the Bible seemed more interesting. So far I've read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, Matthew, Acts, Romans, and 1 and 2 Corinthians. I found that I like reading my Bible the most in the mornings when no one else in my family is up. It's nice to go sit on the swinging bench on the front porch, read, and drink tea. I've been on a green tea kick lately, and I just tried a new brand. I love it.
Psalm 42:5
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!
My little brother has been sleeping on the couch in our living room because we have a guest staying in his bedroom. He loves it because he can stay up late watching tv or playing games. However, I was cleaning earlier and there were drool spots where his head has been.
On a last note, I want to see Post Grad. It looks interesting. Anyone want to go?
Monday, August 10, 2009
8/10/09
I just realized something. I feel happier than I have in a really long time. I'm really content. And I love it! Sure, life could be better. But I think that goes for anyone's life. Life is just going to get better.
My room smells like nail polish remover and nail polish. It's really gross. I was painting my nails while I was watching Pirates number three. I love that movie. It's partly because of the people in it.
I had the best pizza ever today. It was from Winco, but it was delicious. It didn't even need ranch :]
My hair is really soft today, and freakishly straight. It's unusually pretty. I'm not a big fan of my hair. It's usually frizzy and blah. I think it's my new shampoo. Plus my hair smells better.
Can you tell I don't have a lot of things to write about?
I really want to go camping. Preferably with friends, but if I went with my family it would still be fun. I can't even remember the last time we went, that's the sad thing.
My room smells like nail polish remover and nail polish. It's really gross. I was painting my nails while I was watching Pirates number three. I love that movie. It's partly because of the people in it.
I had the best pizza ever today. It was from Winco, but it was delicious. It didn't even need ranch :]
My hair is really soft today, and freakishly straight. It's unusually pretty. I'm not a big fan of my hair. It's usually frizzy and blah. I think it's my new shampoo. Plus my hair smells better.
Can you tell I don't have a lot of things to write about?
I really want to go camping. Preferably with friends, but if I went with my family it would still be fun. I can't even remember the last time we went, that's the sad thing.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
8/9/09
I absolutely love getting up early. The reason for that is because no one else is up. It gives me some much needed "me" time. I don't like sleeping in past eight, but I'll do it occasionally when I haven't been getting enough sleep. You waste a lot of the day sleeping in. However, I love staying up late as well. I don't really have a big reason for that though.
Today a Mom lost her kid in the bookstore. The kid was 14 or 15, but mentally he was about two years old. The kid had left the store through the back entrance. How scary for the mom! I do think though, that the mom should have been watching him a little more closely. Luckily the kid didn't get hurt and no one tried to take him. I really hope that never happens to me. I worry too much, and I might be a tad bit overprotective of little kids.
I finally got a phone. It's a pay as you go phone. It's a pretty crappy phone, but I can pay for it. I don't have unlimited texting or anything snazzy like that. I'm not going to give my number to just anyone either. I have to know you very well.
I also got a new bible today. I never really understood why one person can have so many bibles. I have quite a few. They were all given to me. I'm not complaining though. I have a few different translations, so every time I read one I get something different. Anyways, I can now understand that. The Bible I got today is a New Living Translation. It has 365 devotions, which is the reason I wanted it. It's also blue and pretty, which is an added bonus.
I'm getting a lap top soon. I'm pretty excited. I miss having one. Again, it's for school, but it will actually be mine. Which reminds me, I almost have everything I need for school. I just need school supplies, clothing that's better suited for the weather over here, a good pair of tennis shoes, and a helmet. Oh, and if anyone wants to donate quarters for my laundry fund, that would be nice too :]
I tried a new church today. It reminded me of a church I used to go to. I didn't really like it because it was too formal. Like any church, the people were really nice. The sermon really stuck out though. It was about how we shouldn't be afraid to live life because in one instant we could be gone. It's totally true. We shouldn't be afraid to live life. We should try new things as often as we possibly can.
Today a Mom lost her kid in the bookstore. The kid was 14 or 15, but mentally he was about two years old. The kid had left the store through the back entrance. How scary for the mom! I do think though, that the mom should have been watching him a little more closely. Luckily the kid didn't get hurt and no one tried to take him. I really hope that never happens to me. I worry too much, and I might be a tad bit overprotective of little kids.
I finally got a phone. It's a pay as you go phone. It's a pretty crappy phone, but I can pay for it. I don't have unlimited texting or anything snazzy like that. I'm not going to give my number to just anyone either. I have to know you very well.
I also got a new bible today. I never really understood why one person can have so many bibles. I have quite a few. They were all given to me. I'm not complaining though. I have a few different translations, so every time I read one I get something different. Anyways, I can now understand that. The Bible I got today is a New Living Translation. It has 365 devotions, which is the reason I wanted it. It's also blue and pretty, which is an added bonus.
I'm getting a lap top soon. I'm pretty excited. I miss having one. Again, it's for school, but it will actually be mine. Which reminds me, I almost have everything I need for school. I just need school supplies, clothing that's better suited for the weather over here, a good pair of tennis shoes, and a helmet. Oh, and if anyone wants to donate quarters for my laundry fund, that would be nice too :]
I tried a new church today. It reminded me of a church I used to go to. I didn't really like it because it was too formal. Like any church, the people were really nice. The sermon really stuck out though. It was about how we shouldn't be afraid to live life because in one instant we could be gone. It's totally true. We shouldn't be afraid to live life. We should try new things as often as we possibly can.
8/8/09
Moving senior year was tough. Moving shortly after graduation was even harder. I wanted to spend the summer before college with my closest friends. HA! We've seen each other a few times, which is not enough. This summer I've learned a lot. First, sometimes you have to let go. If you sit around having a pity party for yourself, nothing happens except you feel worse. Life still goes on. But at the same time, cherish your memories. Your memories, your friends, even your family have made you into who you are today. Never forget that.
It's almost eleven at night and I'm wide awake, so I'm writing. I'm also thinking about how much I miss my best friend. We haven't really talked lately, which sucks. Things change. I thought in September we'd be relatively close. Meaning, we'd be on the same side of the mountains. Instead, I'll be in Ellensburg and she'll be in Bellingham with her boyfriend, one of my close friends. Strangely, I'm okay with that. I think that's partly because of moving my senior year. I'm excited that we are both going to have different stories to share with each other. She's helped me a lot, and she's pretty much like a sister. When you become that close to a person, it's hard to forget them. You never know. Maybe one day we'll be living in the same area again. She'll be one of the best nurses around, and I'll be one of the best teachers. We'll have fantastic husbands and our kids will grow up together. Who knows?
As I've grown older, I've come to realize three things. First, I hate being late. I remember constantly being late with my family. Especially when we go to church. I think maybe that's my self-concious kicking in. When you're late, and you walk in, it seems like everyone's staring at you, and I really hate that. I think it's safe to say I like being 5-10 minutes early. Secondly, I love to plan. That also comes from my parents. My real dad doesn't really plan. He randomly calls or shows up, and it's usually not at the best time. My mom and my dad don't plan either. They are both more of a "go with the flow" kind of person. Sometimes, that's not bad. It's good to have your spontaneous moments. However, when it comes to things like moving or trips or something, a little planning is nice. If I want to get a lot of things done, I need to plan my day out. Otherwise, I get distracted and nothing gets done. Also, I love planning out parties or stuff like that. It's just fun. Finally, I love being a hostess. I think that's partly because of my amazing aunt. But it's also because I love being around people, and I love cooking for people. Seriously, come over and I will cook for you. You won't even have to clean up afterwards.
It's now currently 11:11. Yes, I did make a wish. No, I won't tell you what it was because then I'd have to kill you. Also, in case you're wondering, if I see a penny that's heads down, I'll flip it. Then when someone else picks it up, they can be lucky.
It's almost eleven at night and I'm wide awake, so I'm writing. I'm also thinking about how much I miss my best friend. We haven't really talked lately, which sucks. Things change. I thought in September we'd be relatively close. Meaning, we'd be on the same side of the mountains. Instead, I'll be in Ellensburg and she'll be in Bellingham with her boyfriend, one of my close friends. Strangely, I'm okay with that. I think that's partly because of moving my senior year. I'm excited that we are both going to have different stories to share with each other. She's helped me a lot, and she's pretty much like a sister. When you become that close to a person, it's hard to forget them. You never know. Maybe one day we'll be living in the same area again. She'll be one of the best nurses around, and I'll be one of the best teachers. We'll have fantastic husbands and our kids will grow up together. Who knows?
As I've grown older, I've come to realize three things. First, I hate being late. I remember constantly being late with my family. Especially when we go to church. I think maybe that's my self-concious kicking in. When you're late, and you walk in, it seems like everyone's staring at you, and I really hate that. I think it's safe to say I like being 5-10 minutes early. Secondly, I love to plan. That also comes from my parents. My real dad doesn't really plan. He randomly calls or shows up, and it's usually not at the best time. My mom and my dad don't plan either. They are both more of a "go with the flow" kind of person. Sometimes, that's not bad. It's good to have your spontaneous moments. However, when it comes to things like moving or trips or something, a little planning is nice. If I want to get a lot of things done, I need to plan my day out. Otherwise, I get distracted and nothing gets done. Also, I love planning out parties or stuff like that. It's just fun. Finally, I love being a hostess. I think that's partly because of my amazing aunt. But it's also because I love being around people, and I love cooking for people. Seriously, come over and I will cook for you. You won't even have to clean up afterwards.
It's now currently 11:11. Yes, I did make a wish. No, I won't tell you what it was because then I'd have to kill you. Also, in case you're wondering, if I see a penny that's heads down, I'll flip it. Then when someone else picks it up, they can be lucky.
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