Sometimes, I hope we're friends when I'm married. I hope that I'll invite you to the wedding and you'll come. I'll be the happiest girl in the world. You'll see what you could have had and you'll regret letting me go. But the thing I want you to see most is that I survived without you. I want to be alright without you. I'm slowly getting there. It's time to let you go. It's time I dig myself out of this hole and start all over again. I can't stay mad at you for long periods of time, I just can't. I want to be, but no matter how hard I try I can't. Missing you isn't about how long it's been since I've seen you or the amount of time since we've talked. It's about that moment when I'm doing something and wish you were right here with me. You still mean everything to me. You smile at me in my dreams. When you are sad, I feel sad. When you are happy, I'm happy. When I see your true smile, I feel incredible. Sometimes I really hate you, why do you have to be so adorable? Why do you have to make me smile so much? I want the kind of love where I'm with him all the time. Where we have pillow fights, or throw balloons at each other. When he'll give me ice cream and then shove it in my face. Where he wants to know exactly what was said every time I talk to another guy, because he "just wants to make sure nothing's going on." Where he'll walk beside me, but mainly, just where he'll love me. You said you never meant to hurt me, but that doesn't make it right. You said you were wrong and apologized too many times, but that doesn't make it okay. It wasn't okay. I'm over you. I fell so hard. If you want me, I'm here. But I'm done wasting all my time on you. I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say there is no one else that you could ever be with, and that you would rather be alone than without me. I was finally getting over you, I even had crushes other than you. I was walking with my head up, thinking I wasn't gonna fall. Then I had to see you again.
We don't talk that much anymore, but I still miss you. I grew up with you, and you can't just forget people like that. I miss you, and I don't know how to tell you.
When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do what they want to do, you can't stop them. Some things just aren't meant to be. Life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want. Whatever's thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be.
I move with grace, yet I stumble and trip. I laugh and smile a lot. I have my mistakes, and I can be insecure. Awkward moments define me. I'd sleep all day if I could. I don't keep my mouth shut when I should. Everyone has bad days, I just have more frequent ones. I believe in karma. What you give is what you get returned. I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned. I believe you don't know what you've got until you have to say goodbye. I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I'm usually happy, and it's obvious when I'm sad. I always bounce back, no matter what, even if it takes a while.
(quotes from xanga.)
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